I am unleashing this blog unto the world. In world where pirates are attacking for the first time in 300 years, the Ebola virus is still lurking in the mist, and a Black man is in charge of it all it can seem we have nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide.
Well, my friends, you will no longer have to suffer the indignities your station in life presents to you on a daily basement. I see you there sitting in your mom's basement. You've run out of lube, and your penis chaffed. You look out into to the world, and you know there's no room out there for you and your blistered shaft.
The world keeps moving on. The Disney Channel starlets you've been spanking it to for so long just get younger and younger. Suddenly, you realize you are one van and one bag of candy away from being every parent's number one fear.
I know what it's like.
Maybe this isn't you however. Maybe you're someone else. Maybe you don't shirk away whenever To Catch A Predator is on TV. Maybe you're just looking for a laugh. I see you too. I see you there sitting at your computer. You've got better things you could be doing-- homework, the laundry, or your significant other. But you don't really want to do those things, and you know you've got the time to get them all done. After you click on one more link. Right?
That's what I thought, and that is why I am here. I am the cure for all your troubles. So follow me as I bring you on a semi-daily basis for what you need to know. Sure, you follow world events as they transpire, but do you know what they really mean deep down? No. Of course you don't. That is why I am here. I will help you truly understand what is happening in a way Wolf Blitzer's beard never could.
Well, my friends, you will no longer have to suffer the indignities your station in life presents to you on a daily basement. I see you there sitting in your mom's basement. You've run out of lube, and your penis chaffed. You look out into to the world, and you know there's no room out there for you and your blistered shaft.
The world keeps moving on. The Disney Channel starlets you've been spanking it to for so long just get younger and younger. Suddenly, you realize you are one van and one bag of candy away from being every parent's number one fear.
I know what it's like.
Maybe this isn't you however. Maybe you're someone else. Maybe you don't shirk away whenever To Catch A Predator is on TV. Maybe you're just looking for a laugh. I see you too. I see you there sitting at your computer. You've got better things you could be doing-- homework, the laundry, or your significant other. But you don't really want to do those things, and you know you've got the time to get them all done. After you click on one more link. Right?
That's what I thought, and that is why I am here. I am the cure for all your troubles. So follow me as I bring you on a semi-daily basis for what you need to know. Sure, you follow world events as they transpire, but do you know what they really mean deep down? No. Of course you don't. That is why I am here. I will help you truly understand what is happening in a way Wolf Blitzer's beard never could.
This is why with my inaugural post I present the five things I care about today.
You read it here folks. There is a conspiracy behind the Obama's selection of family dog. Well, I for one am not surprised. This diligent AP reporter left out one important detail however. Had she simply looked on Wikipedia she would have been informed as to just how Portuguese Water Dogs became Portuguese. The breed was introduced to the Iberian penninsula by the Moors! That's right. The Islamic invaders of medieval Spain brought these dogs from North Africa. I thought Barack Obama was trying to hide the fact he's a Muslim, not celebrate it. Bad choice Obama!
Kathleen Sebelius got money from an abortion doctor. She has problems paying her taxes. She's likely a lesbian, and I haven't seen her birth certificate. Bad choice Obama!
While her father showed the world you can go a long way by being an ill-informed old man, she is showing the world you can go quite a way by being an ill-informed young woman. Congratulations!
2. Teabagging
I seriously heard that Dick Armey is behind a movement called Teabagging. Supposedly they are an anti-tax movement that supports the ideals of the Boston Tea Party. Although, instead of fighting taxation without representation, they are fighting taxation without representation they agree with. This same group likely opposes D.C. getting a vote in the House. Congratulations!
In this piece Bob Shrum talks about the mess the Republican Party currently finds itself in. He is an expert in this field, as his campaign "strategies" nearly collapsed the Democratic Party. Now he's using his expertise to lure Democrats into a false sense of security. Bad choice Obama!
